Do you remember the book Men Are from Mars, and Women Are from Venus? It was popular a few
years back, along with a more recent one with a similar theme. I think it was called Men are Like
Waffles and Women Are Like Spaghetti.
Both of these books illustrate something that, as a family therapist, I saw played out over and over
again. And it has nothing to do with planets or pasta. What it does have to do with is how God made
each of us unique, and different from each other. When it comes to communication, for instance,
men tend to have certain traits and women tend to have different traits. I’m happy to report that
these differences paid most of the bills in the Tuton household for a number of years by keeping my
marriage and family counseling practice afloat.
Here’s an example of how it often went: The woman in the marriage talks about a problem to her
husband. He instantly goes into action mode and tells her what she can do to solve said problem.
She responds with anger. Now, he’s totally confused by her anger. After all, he thought he’d given
her good advice, so what in the world does she want? OK? What do women want for crying out
loud?! Does any of this sound familiar?
Men, here’s at least part of the secret. More often that not, what your wife wants from you is to be
heard and understood. This goes a long way toward resolving her feelings on whatever the issue is.
But it’s hard to be a calm, caring presence for your wife when you’re thinking ahead to how she can
fix the situation and preparing a menu of advice for her. Do you see the problem? What she needs
right then is not what we men sometimes give. We’re doing what we think will be helpful, and then we
feel pretty unvalued when she makes it clear that our advice isn’t helping. For more success,
we need to suspend some of our own priorities, think in her shoes for a minute, and respond in a
way that fits the situation better. Listening before acting. And here I’m preaching to myself as well as
anyone.
This relates to the situation that’s described in today’s very brief Gospel reading about Mary and
Martha. Now, Mary and Martha have become bywords for a couple of different personality types. I
can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone (usually female) cheerfully describe herself to me as
either a “Mary” or a “Martha.” At least I can’t recall at the moment any men who’ve described
themselves as a “Mary” or a “Martha.” But I suppose there’s a first for everything. Anyway, we know
right away what they mean. If someone describes herself as a Mary, we know she sees herself as
one who is probably good at being quietly empathic. She’s there for you. If someone describes
herself as a Martha, she probably sees herself as one who’s a “doer.” She’s busy tending to the
logistics and the details. She takes care of business. I know this may be hard for you to believe, but
we have some Martha’s right here at Hope! And most of you can probably name them.
In our Gospel reading we have a situation in which Martha is bustling around being a good host. She’
s making sure the food has been prepared properly, everything is tidy, and the household is orderly
enough to pull off some serious hospitality without a hitch. But that dreamy-eyed sister of hers isn’t
pulling her weight. She’s just sitting there at Jesus’ feet hanging onto every word of the rabbi. She’s
eating up his teachings, and entranced by this amazing news he brings about himself.
Well, you know how siblings can be. You’ve all seen Cinderella, right? Martha finally can’t stand it
any more. Trying to be as graceful as she can, she floats in and says, “[forced smile] Lord, don’t you
care that my sister has left me to do the work all by myself? Tell her to help me.” Jesus’ words lead
me to believe that His response is one of mildly amused kindness, and not one of impatience. He
says, “Martha, Martha, you’re worried and distracted by many things. Only one thing is needed here.
Mary has chosen the better one, which won’t be taken away from her.”
I think it needs to be said right off the top that Jesus is not favoring one personality type over
another. He’s not generally placing a higher value on sitting and listening attentively than on going
about one’s practical business. Both of these women had the heart of a servant.
And, as a reminder, Jesus regarded servanthood very highly. Remember that He said, “Whoever
wants to become great among you must be your servant.” He said that he himself, the Messiah and
Son of God, had come not to be served but to serve. God made these women to be who they are,
and to serve in different ways. In their service they’re both pleasing to the Lord.
With his brief and gentle rebuke I think it’s safe to say that Jesus sees a couple of problems with
Martha’s behavior. And interestingly, these still speak across the years to us here today.
The first problem is this: Martha is undervaluing the role her sister is playing in this scene. In fact,
she’s even being a little self-centered. Martha’s exasperated that Mary’s not helping with the
practical work of being a hospitable host. She thinks Mary should be more like her.
Let’s pause here for a moment. I’m wondering if any of us ever feel that way about others in the
church. Perhaps we can’t relate to how someone else does things. “Why in the world can’t that lector
get a little more feeling into her voice when she’s reading the scriptures?”
Or, “why can’t that lector just cut the drama and read in a more dignified voice?”
“How in the world can anyone stand all that happy-clappy music? Where’s the reverence in that?”
Or, “how can I really get into worship when all we sing is those stale, old traditional hymns?”
Or, “Why can’t Joe stop praying and do some real work over here and get this church cleaned up?”
You get the idea. Many of us tend to project our own style and preferences onto other people, and
assume we’re doing it right and they’re doing it wrong. But this ignores the fact that the Lord made
each of us different. We have different temperaments and different gifts. What lights up one person’
s lights turns the switch clean off in another person.
St. Paul compares us to member of a body. He says, “If the whole body were an eye, where would
the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in
fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.” Paul’
s saying that as members we can be very different, but we’re all one body led by one Spirit. We may
not always be perfectly coordinated, but the body would be handicapped if it were missing any one
member. I think we’d all do well to remember this next time we’re tempted to judge our fellow
servants. There’ll be Marthas and Marys in the church until Jesus returns, and frankly, we need
each other.
Second, Jesus gently rebukes Martha because there’s an issue of priority going on here. Listen
again to Jesus’ words: “Martha, Martha, you’re worried and distracted by many things. Only one
thing is needed here. Mary has chosen the better one, which won’t be taken away from her.” Jesus
isn’t saying that, at all times and in all situations Mary’s concerns and behavior are better than
Martha’s. It’s a situational issue. It’s both appropriate and important to serve God and our neighbor
in a practical way. But here Martha’s busy-ness is distracting away from something much more
important.
In a way I can sympathize with Martha. With the hindsight of almost 2000 years of history we’re now
very clear on who Jesus is. To put this in perspective, if Jesus were having lunch at your house,
would you be buzzing around making sure the dishes are out of the sink, or would you be sitting
attentively, and hanging onto every word He has to say? I very sincerely hope it’s the latter. You
see, Jesus’ concern with Martha’s priorities comes right down to who Jesus is. Jesus of Nazareth is
one of a kind in all human history. He’s here as Messiah and Son of God, and He’s come to die for
us to save all humanity from sin and death. He is very God incarnate and the Savior of the world.
Sitting and listening to Jesus is the most important thing that Martha or anyone can do while He’s
present with us. “Only one thing is needed here.”
We don’t have to fish too far off the dock to see the meaning of this episode for us today. Do we
ever allow the cares of this world to trump the time we spend getting to know the Lord, or sitting in
His presence? My own answer is all too often, “yes.” J. C. Ryle says: “If we desire to grow in grace
and to enjoy soul prosperity, we must be aware of the cares of this world. Except we watch and pray,
they will insensibly eat up our spirituality and bring leanness on our souls.” He says, “It seems so
proper to attend to the duties of our station. It is just here that our danger lies. Our families, our
business, our daily callings, our household affairs, our interaction with society—all may become
snares to our hearts and may draw us away from God!”
A question we would do well to ask ourselves this morning is this: What things in this world distract
our hearts from our first love? What things crowd out time for the One who gives us life and breath?
What things keep us from the feet of the One who offers us eternal life?
When it comes to our day-to-day activities, even those that are noble and good, maybe we should
treat them like medicine. In moderation they’re helpful and healthy. But the very thing that’s healthy
for us when used rightly and in moderation can, in excess, become poison. Our busy doings should
never crowd out our time with the Lord.
Through his words to Martha, Jesus is teaching us that our relationship with Him really should come
first in our lives. I’d like to issue a challenge to all of us this week. I’d like us all to think about what
busy activities we can cut back on, even in a small way, so we can spend more time with the Lord in
prayer, worship and Bible reading. And if your reply is “I’m too busy to think about this!” it’s probably
worse than you thought! I’m inclined to list all those good things that are likely to happen when we
spend more time with the Lord. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, the challenge is that we all
commit to spending even just a little more time in worship, prayer and study, and then simply pay
attention and watch what happens. That’s all.
Jesus tells Martha, “Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.” All the
things we strive for that compete with the Lord for our attention—all these things can be taken away
from us. Think about it. They’re all fleeting things. But the one thing that can never be taken from us
is the Lord himself and our relationship with Him. In John’s Gospel Jesus tells us: “My sheep listen to
my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no
one can snatch them out of my hand.”
As we examine our priorities this week, may we each get in touch with our “inner Mary.” I pray that
we take the time to find a quiet corner in which to sit at the feet of the Master and listen to His voice.
Then, just pay attention. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
years back, along with a more recent one with a similar theme. I think it was called Men are Like
Waffles and Women Are Like Spaghetti.
Both of these books illustrate something that, as a family therapist, I saw played out over and over
again. And it has nothing to do with planets or pasta. What it does have to do with is how God made
each of us unique, and different from each other. When it comes to communication, for instance,
men tend to have certain traits and women tend to have different traits. I’m happy to report that
these differences paid most of the bills in the Tuton household for a number of years by keeping my
marriage and family counseling practice afloat.
Here’s an example of how it often went: The woman in the marriage talks about a problem to her
husband. He instantly goes into action mode and tells her what she can do to solve said problem.
She responds with anger. Now, he’s totally confused by her anger. After all, he thought he’d given
her good advice, so what in the world does she want? OK? What do women want for crying out
loud?! Does any of this sound familiar?
Men, here’s at least part of the secret. More often that not, what your wife wants from you is to be
heard and understood. This goes a long way toward resolving her feelings on whatever the issue is.
But it’s hard to be a calm, caring presence for your wife when you’re thinking ahead to how she can
fix the situation and preparing a menu of advice for her. Do you see the problem? What she needs
right then is not what we men sometimes give. We’re doing what we think will be helpful, and then we
feel pretty unvalued when she makes it clear that our advice isn’t helping. For more success,
we need to suspend some of our own priorities, think in her shoes for a minute, and respond in a
way that fits the situation better. Listening before acting. And here I’m preaching to myself as well as
anyone.
This relates to the situation that’s described in today’s very brief Gospel reading about Mary and
Martha. Now, Mary and Martha have become bywords for a couple of different personality types. I
can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone (usually female) cheerfully describe herself to me as
either a “Mary” or a “Martha.” At least I can’t recall at the moment any men who’ve described
themselves as a “Mary” or a “Martha.” But I suppose there’s a first for everything. Anyway, we know
right away what they mean. If someone describes herself as a Mary, we know she sees herself as
one who is probably good at being quietly empathic. She’s there for you. If someone describes
herself as a Martha, she probably sees herself as one who’s a “doer.” She’s busy tending to the
logistics and the details. She takes care of business. I know this may be hard for you to believe, but
we have some Martha’s right here at Hope! And most of you can probably name them.
In our Gospel reading we have a situation in which Martha is bustling around being a good host. She’
s making sure the food has been prepared properly, everything is tidy, and the household is orderly
enough to pull off some serious hospitality without a hitch. But that dreamy-eyed sister of hers isn’t
pulling her weight. She’s just sitting there at Jesus’ feet hanging onto every word of the rabbi. She’s
eating up his teachings, and entranced by this amazing news he brings about himself.
Well, you know how siblings can be. You’ve all seen Cinderella, right? Martha finally can’t stand it
any more. Trying to be as graceful as she can, she floats in and says, “[forced smile] Lord, don’t you
care that my sister has left me to do the work all by myself? Tell her to help me.” Jesus’ words lead
me to believe that His response is one of mildly amused kindness, and not one of impatience. He
says, “Martha, Martha, you’re worried and distracted by many things. Only one thing is needed here.
Mary has chosen the better one, which won’t be taken away from her.”
I think it needs to be said right off the top that Jesus is not favoring one personality type over
another. He’s not generally placing a higher value on sitting and listening attentively than on going
about one’s practical business. Both of these women had the heart of a servant.
And, as a reminder, Jesus regarded servanthood very highly. Remember that He said, “Whoever
wants to become great among you must be your servant.” He said that he himself, the Messiah and
Son of God, had come not to be served but to serve. God made these women to be who they are,
and to serve in different ways. In their service they’re both pleasing to the Lord.
With his brief and gentle rebuke I think it’s safe to say that Jesus sees a couple of problems with
Martha’s behavior. And interestingly, these still speak across the years to us here today.
The first problem is this: Martha is undervaluing the role her sister is playing in this scene. In fact,
she’s even being a little self-centered. Martha’s exasperated that Mary’s not helping with the
practical work of being a hospitable host. She thinks Mary should be more like her.
Let’s pause here for a moment. I’m wondering if any of us ever feel that way about others in the
church. Perhaps we can’t relate to how someone else does things. “Why in the world can’t that lector
get a little more feeling into her voice when she’s reading the scriptures?”
Or, “why can’t that lector just cut the drama and read in a more dignified voice?”
“How in the world can anyone stand all that happy-clappy music? Where’s the reverence in that?”
Or, “how can I really get into worship when all we sing is those stale, old traditional hymns?”
Or, “Why can’t Joe stop praying and do some real work over here and get this church cleaned up?”
You get the idea. Many of us tend to project our own style and preferences onto other people, and
assume we’re doing it right and they’re doing it wrong. But this ignores the fact that the Lord made
each of us different. We have different temperaments and different gifts. What lights up one person’
s lights turns the switch clean off in another person.
St. Paul compares us to member of a body. He says, “If the whole body were an eye, where would
the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in
fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.” Paul’
s saying that as members we can be very different, but we’re all one body led by one Spirit. We may
not always be perfectly coordinated, but the body would be handicapped if it were missing any one
member. I think we’d all do well to remember this next time we’re tempted to judge our fellow
servants. There’ll be Marthas and Marys in the church until Jesus returns, and frankly, we need
each other.
Second, Jesus gently rebukes Martha because there’s an issue of priority going on here. Listen
again to Jesus’ words: “Martha, Martha, you’re worried and distracted by many things. Only one
thing is needed here. Mary has chosen the better one, which won’t be taken away from her.” Jesus
isn’t saying that, at all times and in all situations Mary’s concerns and behavior are better than
Martha’s. It’s a situational issue. It’s both appropriate and important to serve God and our neighbor
in a practical way. But here Martha’s busy-ness is distracting away from something much more
important.
In a way I can sympathize with Martha. With the hindsight of almost 2000 years of history we’re now
very clear on who Jesus is. To put this in perspective, if Jesus were having lunch at your house,
would you be buzzing around making sure the dishes are out of the sink, or would you be sitting
attentively, and hanging onto every word He has to say? I very sincerely hope it’s the latter. You
see, Jesus’ concern with Martha’s priorities comes right down to who Jesus is. Jesus of Nazareth is
one of a kind in all human history. He’s here as Messiah and Son of God, and He’s come to die for
us to save all humanity from sin and death. He is very God incarnate and the Savior of the world.
Sitting and listening to Jesus is the most important thing that Martha or anyone can do while He’s
present with us. “Only one thing is needed here.”
We don’t have to fish too far off the dock to see the meaning of this episode for us today. Do we
ever allow the cares of this world to trump the time we spend getting to know the Lord, or sitting in
His presence? My own answer is all too often, “yes.” J. C. Ryle says: “If we desire to grow in grace
and to enjoy soul prosperity, we must be aware of the cares of this world. Except we watch and pray,
they will insensibly eat up our spirituality and bring leanness on our souls.” He says, “It seems so
proper to attend to the duties of our station. It is just here that our danger lies. Our families, our
business, our daily callings, our household affairs, our interaction with society—all may become
snares to our hearts and may draw us away from God!”
A question we would do well to ask ourselves this morning is this: What things in this world distract
our hearts from our first love? What things crowd out time for the One who gives us life and breath?
What things keep us from the feet of the One who offers us eternal life?
When it comes to our day-to-day activities, even those that are noble and good, maybe we should
treat them like medicine. In moderation they’re helpful and healthy. But the very thing that’s healthy
for us when used rightly and in moderation can, in excess, become poison. Our busy doings should
never crowd out our time with the Lord.
Through his words to Martha, Jesus is teaching us that our relationship with Him really should come
first in our lives. I’d like to issue a challenge to all of us this week. I’d like us all to think about what
busy activities we can cut back on, even in a small way, so we can spend more time with the Lord in
prayer, worship and Bible reading. And if your reply is “I’m too busy to think about this!” it’s probably
worse than you thought! I’m inclined to list all those good things that are likely to happen when we
spend more time with the Lord. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, the challenge is that we all
commit to spending even just a little more time in worship, prayer and study, and then simply pay
attention and watch what happens. That’s all.
Jesus tells Martha, “Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.” All the
things we strive for that compete with the Lord for our attention—all these things can be taken away
from us. Think about it. They’re all fleeting things. But the one thing that can never be taken from us
is the Lord himself and our relationship with Him. In John’s Gospel Jesus tells us: “My sheep listen to
my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no
one can snatch them out of my hand.”
As we examine our priorities this week, may we each get in touch with our “inner Mary.” I pray that
we take the time to find a quiet corner in which to sit at the feet of the Master and listen to His voice.
Then, just pay attention. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
July 18, 2010
The Rev. Dan Tuton
The Rev. Dan Tuton
Choosing the Better Part
Luke 10:38-42
Luke 10:38-42
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